A day in the life of a phobic

We had a long night last night. Well, more me than Doug, but he’s an innocent victim in my phobia madness.

Doug was sitting on the couch yesterday evening and had his feet up while we were talking. I stood up and Doug shifted his legs to get up. Out comes this large, black spider from under his calf. I scream – which I usually don’t do; I’ll yell but not scream. I start yelling, “Don’t move! Don’t move!” over and over to both Doug, who is now standing next to the couch, and the spider. I run to get Doug a paper towel to kill it. He kills it and takes it outside to the trashcan – a spider that big, dead or not, cannot be in a trashcan IN the house. I tell Doug, “I can’t take this anymore.” Referring to the other spiders we’ve had recently around the couch. I ask him to lean the couch back so I can spray under it; there were 4 more spiders!

We decided to go out and have dinner and stop off at Target on the way home; it’s easier to go out than being a nervous wreck at home. We get home; I still won’t sit on the couch and Doug’s back is tweaked from pulling the couch back. I go to open the sliding glass door in the kitchen and 2 spiders come running at me, yes running. I grab the Raid can near me – if you don’t know, there are 4-6 Raid cans in the house AT ALL TIMES and they are all placed where they belong so I will know where they are ALL the time.So, I spray the 2 spiders and close the door. That’s already 7 spiders in the house within a few hours, I don’t want any more – to HECK with the cool night air.

I finally get enough courage to sit on the couch and watch some TV with Doug. I will usually lay with him while he sleeps, but not when there’s a rampage of spiders going on. I decide if I curl into a ball on one couch cushion that I’ll be safe. I’m watching Here Come the Newlyweds, Doug is asleep and I’m calming down. THEN, a spider comes from the edge of the cushion towards my arm. I scream and somehow leap vertically into the air and am standing on the other side of the table. Poor Doug jumps up from his sleep and kills another spider.

I have a little bit left in the show I was watching, so I sit a few feet from the television where I can see spiders coming at me or not. I start to cry because I’m so frustrated with my fear and can’t take the panic feeling anymore. The show ends and I wake up Doug again to go upstairs. I have him shake his clothes out before he goes upstairs; at this point upstairs is my only safe zone. We go upstairs to bed and I was wide awake, too scared to turn the light off, playing Nintendo DS trying to take my mind off my craziness. Eventually I fell asleep.

Now, this morning I am really tired and my stomach is a mess.

I HATE MY PHOBIA.

I can’t stand how irrational it makes me and how weak I am because of a stupid spider. Just telling this story to my friends at work this morning made me tear up because I can’t stand how absurd it is.

Ashley, I found this comic for you because of your comment on the last post.

Last night reminded us of another bad night we had when we were still in the apartment. I sat (the kind of sitting where your knees are bent to your chest and your balancing on the soles of your feet) on the edge of the counter in the bathroom like I was a bird on a perch because I saw a spider and when Doug went to get the spray we couldn't find the spider. I just sat there crying for almost an hour because I couldn't walk under the doorway where we lost the spider.